Moms and dads everywhere love to use the "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all ..." line. This might have been easier as a child - at least for me. You would think, as time went on, I would gain self control. Instead, I seem to be losing the filter that (should but doesn't) exists between the brain and the mouth. I'm most certain that my parents often want to take soap out and put me on bathroom time-out. "That'll teach you to have a dirty mouth..." (Didn't seem to work, Ma, did it?)
Someone I know once said "What I should have said was ______. What I ACTUALLY said was___________." I frequently have these moments.
Here are a few highlights.
What I should have said was: Oh! Baby. Miracle of life! Hooray!
What I ACTUALLY said was: Oh my God. What a huge head. Didn't that hurt?
(Not all babies are beautiful. Just deal with this fact, people. I'm sorry.)
What I should have said was: Thank you for my paycheck, Sir. I appreciate the job.
What I ACTUALLY said was: HAHA You wasted the paper and ink to print this?
(This was not at my current job. Just for the record. And to stop future employers from wondering why I am an ungrateful snob.)
What I should have said was: You're going to be fine, Dad! No worries.
What I ACTUALLY said was: Don't worry, if they mess up this brain surgery I'll get you coloring books for Christmas every year.
(He loves me. Even still. Yes, even I wonder why sometimes.)
I could go on ... for days. But I won't. Instead I'd like to hear about YOUR What I should have said ... moments. Share away. It'd be nice to know I'm not alone in this filterless world.
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