Anything You Can Do...

You remember the song..."anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. No you can't. Yes you can." I believe this was my parents' mantra to me, as a child. I was, most definitely, raised to believe that anything I wanted to do, I could. And better. (Why not work in some Doctor Who and the song here, I say)



My parents were never very good at the gender identifying roles, when it came to parenting me. I was often told I didn't need a man (or another person, to be honest) to survive. And I come from a "still-married" family. So it wasn't a "I did it without your father, you can do it without a man," it was just a known fact that could (and would) be self-sufficient.

My father taught me to change the oil in my car when I was barely a teenager. And before I was even allowed to think about getting a driver's permit, my father made me learn how to change a tire and drive a stick shift. What if I was driving alone and my tire blew? Or what if I was at a party with a boy and he got drunk and happened to have a stick shift car? I would know how to handle all of these situations, because I was not going to be a position where I needed someone else. I could do it myself. And I could do it better.

I was very entitled, as a child. But not entitled in the sense we think of celebrities or those who are well-to-do from the beginning. I just felt like I was entitled to the world. Because I was a human. I received nothing special for being a girl, but I also got nothing less for not being a boy. 

I wasn't only given "girl" toys to play with, I played every sport imaginable, and I came home so dirty sometimes, I was told to ride in the back of the truck on the way. My parents often plastered on a huge proud grin I pitched a no-hitter, or dove head-first to cover home plate. My family built an addition on their home that involved digging a basement through a hill in our backyard and hauling plywood up flights of stairs on top of my head. It was never explained or even inferred that this was boys work. My mother and even my young sister were involved in the entire process.

I know how to use a level, I can help you wire electrical work in your house, and I can tell you where all the crawlspaces and attic entries in the house are - all thanks to my father. I also know how to cook a fabulous meal for you from scratch, thanks to him. I never thought that cooking was something that women did. It was something that people who wanted to eat food or feed their friends and family did. My mother worked and worked hard, as did my father. I never thought about the idea that some women didn't work, when I was growing up. Why wouldn't they? They're just like men. My parents shared the chores, the rushing me to practices, they both showed up to my school and sport functions.

When I went away to college and started studying computer science - all my peers were males. It never occurred to me that my potential field of interest was for boys...until the other three girls in the program dropped out before the end of the first semester. I think it was only then I looked around at the sea of men and realized, wait - I'm different. Not that it ever phased me. What could they do that I couldn't? There's no heavy lifting (which I can do anyway) in computers. And I certainly didn't have to worry about peeing standing up (that's really the only thing that men can do that I can't. I'm sure I could work on this if necessary) to get a degree or start a career in computer programming.

I ended up in a different field, but still work in a very male-dominated situation. I don't know if that phases me, either. It merely meant I had to learn how to tell a dirty joke and not be offended when they made jokes that inferred women were stupid or lesser humans.(Disclaimer: I am not bashing males or saying they are all sexists jerks, before this starts. But there is a bit of joking that occurs when you're the only female in a male filled department.) I work hard, I do a good job, they treat me as their equal more often than not. And while it may have made me a bit more "rough around the edges" then some women? I wouldn't trade it for the world. Because it is the epitome of the song "anything you can do, I can do better..." Do I have to work harder for respect sometimes? Maybe. Do I have to prove myself at times? Sure. But who doesn't?

Some of my friends are astonished when they hear work stories and I always point out, it's a different kind of office dynamic. And don't think HR departments protect you from these thoughts (just from having to hear them). I may work with men who are willing to say what they think more often than yours, but mine are not cavemen. So I bet, even if you never hear any of the things I do on a daily basis? A portion of them still think about it, or joke about it when you're not around. They just know better than to say it, chances are - because it isn't all men in the room. If you work with all men long enough? They just start to think of you as one of them. ...I'm okay with this. You may not be. I totally respect this position. From either angle. My angle has really taught me that anything that a man can do, I can do better.

Here is a list of possible exceptions:
1.) Peeing standing up (I have not mastered this. Hell, I haven't even tried it. I'm okay with sitting.)
2.) Run around with a shirt and be acceptable (I could probably make more friends than you would doing it though, boys.)
3.) Understand offsides even though I played soccer for years.
4.) Father a child. But I could mother one. Which makes the "anything you can do I can do better" true. 

I think that about sums it up.

***Note: Not all men are barbaric. I'm sure yours is great. I'm sure if you are a male, you never think horrible or demeaning things about women, nor have you ever made a less than tasteful joke at another person's expense. Please take this blog as nothing more than my take on my work environment and not the entire world.***