These Are The Best Years Of Your Life

"These are the best years of your life." We've all heard it before. If you're like me? I would imagine that you've heard it at various stages of your life. When you're 6, when you're 12, when you're 16, when you're 18, when you turn 21, when you hit your mid-twenties, when you hit 30. I'm just going to stop right there because I turned 32 yesterday but I'm still having a problem admitting it. The point is - how can the best years of my life be RIGHTNOW if you also told me that when I was 18? And let's not talk about when I turned 16 and you said that being able to drive - which means you were allowed to go to the store for milk, finally..yay? - and all my teenage problems were the best years of my life?

Me: Life is so hard. I have a zit and the big dance is tomorrow.
Elder: No, these are the best years of your life.
Me: But Bobby doesn't even like me. *sobs*
Elder #2: She's right. It doesn't get any better than this.
Me: Um, you said that when I turned 13. Remember?
Elder #3:  That was also true.
Me: I think you guys are just making this stuff up.
Elder: No, we know. Because we have already lived through the best years of our lives.
Me: How do you know, if you're not dead yet?
Elder #3: We know, because we're older.
Me: I want to be older, so I can know when my good days were.
Elder #2: No you don't. Because when you turn 21 is the best year of your life.
Me: Are you listening to yourselves?

Let's just work a few of these out here.

When you're 6? Life is awesome, no doubt.

Pros

• Toys. And playing. The days where someone says "Go play in your room" will end, trust me. This is a sad fact, but still a fact. 
• Mr. Rogers wants to be your neighbor AND your friend. You are sold on this fact and are magically transported to a land with talking puppets and an awesome train every day. And it never grows old. Who cares if this is a rerun? 
• No one is expecting you to do much other than pick up after yourself and tie your own shoes, by now. 
• School still consists of having a good time. Someone will judge how well you color. And there are naps. Glorious naps. You will miss those.

Cons

• Someone is going to judge how you color and try to make you stay within the lines. Life is hard. But stay strong, little dude. You can do it. Also they will say "what is this?" (even when you know clearly it's a picture of a unicorn and a rainbow, they'll never get it. Adults never do. It's okay. Better to learn this now.)
• Your parents may let you watch the Wizard of Oz. And you may get scared. You may even wet your bed. This is not cool. But if you have cool parents? They won't tell anyone about it, until you turn about 18. And then you will probably die of mortification. But don't worry, 18 is the best year of your life, too. 
• You have to go to bed while the sun is still up. When you're 32? You will wish this is something you could do. But at 6? Worst day ever. 
• You will have to eat vegetables. Whenever the adults say so. They will tell you when you're older you can make your own decisions and when you're under your "own roof" you can eat cold pizza every day for dinner. You won't, but it's nice to know you'll have options when you're older, isn't it?  

Let's skip ahead to say 13. You're a teenager, you're almost a grown up, right? That. Is. Awesome.

Pros

• You can go into the movies alone. Your parents will drop you off at the movies and pick you up. You have absolute freedom. No one else is as cool as you are. 
• School isn't terrible. It's got classes, but mainly there are people. Lots of people. People who want to be your friend. People who will share everything with you. These people will, you are sure, will be there forever. They are your Best Friend forever. 
• Your mom has stopped picking out your clothes, and you have much more of a say in what you wear. She will try to dissuade you from wanting that Justin Beiber shirt because...well, because she has better taste in music than you do right now. But you will have to have it. And she'll let you leave the house looking like a dorky Belieber. 
• Everything is full of endless possibilities. You're going to start high school, where all the cool kids are. And you will own that place, you are sure of it.  

Cons

• Your mom drops you off at the mall, or the movies, or at the park to see your friends. She waves goodbye and yells "I love you, pumpkin" out of the window. You will want to crawl into yourself and die - this is normal. But one day you'll miss it, trust me.  And all your friends you're trying to be cool in front of, they also have parental figures. Even if they deny it.
• Your Justin Beiber shirt was cool. Was. And then he broke up with Selena Gomez. And you had to choose a side. All your friends decided Justin was at fault. And now you have this shirt in your closet that you'll never be able to wear again. Should have listened to Mom.
• Relationships. The world is full of boys and girls and they're all so adorable and they looked at you after math class and you think that Billy likes you, but you're not sure. And his friend Paul maybe sorta brushed your hand in the lunch line. And you were like "woah". You'd think this should be in the pros. But this is when you start to stare in the mirror and wonder if your nose is too big, or ponder about if you should stop wearing those ugly winter boots that your mom got you. You know the ones, the ones that you'd rather be seen dead in than walk to the bus in. Because "Mooooom. Bobby is on my bus." Or do you like Ted today? No one knows who you really like. Even you. You'll never figure that out, fully, either. Just embrace it now. 
• This is where you learn what a real friend is. And sometimes it breaks your heart, and sometimes you think your world is over because Sally won't talk to you anymore. Literally, the world has stopped spinning because Susie and Sally are mad at you for talking to Charles after lunch class. They'll come back to you. And if they don't? Darlene and David are going to be there in high school to fill their spot. Even if you don't think anyone will ever be able to. Time does heal all wounds.

You made it all the way to 18. This will surely be the best year of your life, yes? Let's figure that out now.

Pros

• You can vote. You will make a difference in the world. You have a voice. A voice that no one can deny now. 
• You are an adult. You can purchase a lottery ticket (trust me, you'll probably never win but you'll at least now have the option to try!) or cigarettes. What else could a person want?!
• You're getting ready to graduate from high school. The world is really yours to have. Didn't they always tell you that you could do anything you wanted? Just wait. You're going to study abroad, you're going to backpack through the mountains. You're going to do what you want and when you want to do it! Because you can. Because you're finally an adult!

Cons

• They trust you to vote. Holy crap. You aren't old enough for this. Can you bring your mom to the poling station? Because this is a lot of heavy stuff. What does a congresswoman do, again? 
• You're an adult. You can get a credit card.You probably will. You'll be amazed that that money you borrowed? It has to be paid back. It is not, as you previously thought, free money. Someone lent that to you. And you have to give it back. And boy does it add up quickly. 
• You have to figure out what to do with the rest of your life. Do you want to join the army? Do you want to go to college? Should you worry about getting married this soon? Do you really love your high school sweetheart enough to follow them to college? What will you major in? Oh God, do you really have to pick right now? They'll tell you you have to. But as someone who just turned 30+ (I'm not sure if this sounds better or worse than saying 32...) I still have no idea what I'm going to be when I grow up. No one ever does. And if they tell you they do? They're lying and they've stopped dreaming. Never stop dreaming. 

I believe we can wait until the next post to go over the next few stages of life. But I think the point is clear. There are pros and there are cons to every part of our life. The only beauty is that we can pick and choose what moments to relive as we get older. Now that I'm (gulp) 32, I don't have to relive that time I fell on my face in front of everyone when I was 12. I prayed for the ground to open up and swallow me hole, that day (Thanks, baby Jesus, for not listening to that request)...but now I rarely think about it. I do remember the feeling of being able to conquer the world I felt when we won a state softball tournament and they put that medal around my neck, though. And that was the best day of my life. In that moment.

Yesterday I turned 32. I got to see my best friends, I was surrounded by my family. I went to my job that I've been able to grow into and tailor to work with my degree. And guess what? So far? Thirty-two is the best year of my life. Because I have a lifetime of memories I get to take with me. I get to remember everything I did, everything I was, everything I wanted to be. And I'm an adult...which means I can color outside of the lines. And no one grades me. And my mom doesn't drop me off at the movies and yell "I love you pumpkin" out of the window. But she did accompany me to one, for my birthday, and that was just the start to the best year of my life, I think.    

Don't Settle For Less, Even Though Less Is More...?

They say you shouldn’t settle for less. More is always better. But then they sometimes say that less is more. Make up your mind, old adages. And do it quick. Because I’m torn.

We've all been told that less is more. Sometimes this is when our parents want us to wear less makeup when we're teenagers. (And more clothes. Less makeup. More clothes. I believe this is still true for teenagers now.)

But then you go out for that first job interview and your friends and family (and sometimes people who have no business telling you what to do and how to think) remind you that you shouldn't settle for less. Find the job that you love best. Find a place to pay you more. More more more!

So let's take a closer look....           

When less is better:
Less weight when I step on the scale
Less stress
Less worry
Less bills


When more is better:
More clothes*
More laughter
More fun
More money in the bank to pay for the less bills

*because the smaller they are the more I can fit into my closet, right?

 Which leads me to the part of the question we started with – when is less more?

Less stress can generally equate to more laughter and fun. And less bills leads to more money. Maybe we need to stop worrying (less worry!) about whether we want to settle for less or whether less is more and take a few minutes to laugh more and have more fun. The money thing? That can wait for another post.

Let’s worry more about settling less. And spend less time worrying about getting more.

Many people and cultures believe that having less leads to knowing how much more we really have. And having less leaves more room for other things. So long as those other things aren't worry or stress? I think you're on the right track.

What things do you think are "better" with less and when is more "better" for you? Let me know. We'll get through this together, readers. Until then....

Anything You Can Do...

You remember the song..."anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. No you can't. Yes you can." I believe this was my parents' mantra to me, as a child. I was, most definitely, raised to believe that anything I wanted to do, I could. And better. (Why not work in some Doctor Who and the song here, I say)



My parents were never very good at the gender identifying roles, when it came to parenting me. I was often told I didn't need a man (or another person, to be honest) to survive. And I come from a "still-married" family. So it wasn't a "I did it without your father, you can do it without a man," it was just a known fact that could (and would) be self-sufficient.

My father taught me to change the oil in my car when I was barely a teenager. And before I was even allowed to think about getting a driver's permit, my father made me learn how to change a tire and drive a stick shift. What if I was driving alone and my tire blew? Or what if I was at a party with a boy and he got drunk and happened to have a stick shift car? I would know how to handle all of these situations, because I was not going to be a position where I needed someone else. I could do it myself. And I could do it better.

I was very entitled, as a child. But not entitled in the sense we think of celebrities or those who are well-to-do from the beginning. I just felt like I was entitled to the world. Because I was a human. I received nothing special for being a girl, but I also got nothing less for not being a boy. 

I wasn't only given "girl" toys to play with, I played every sport imaginable, and I came home so dirty sometimes, I was told to ride in the back of the truck on the way. My parents often plastered on a huge proud grin I pitched a no-hitter, or dove head-first to cover home plate. My family built an addition on their home that involved digging a basement through a hill in our backyard and hauling plywood up flights of stairs on top of my head. It was never explained or even inferred that this was boys work. My mother and even my young sister were involved in the entire process.

I know how to use a level, I can help you wire electrical work in your house, and I can tell you where all the crawlspaces and attic entries in the house are - all thanks to my father. I also know how to cook a fabulous meal for you from scratch, thanks to him. I never thought that cooking was something that women did. It was something that people who wanted to eat food or feed their friends and family did. My mother worked and worked hard, as did my father. I never thought about the idea that some women didn't work, when I was growing up. Why wouldn't they? They're just like men. My parents shared the chores, the rushing me to practices, they both showed up to my school and sport functions.

When I went away to college and started studying computer science - all my peers were males. It never occurred to me that my potential field of interest was for boys...until the other three girls in the program dropped out before the end of the first semester. I think it was only then I looked around at the sea of men and realized, wait - I'm different. Not that it ever phased me. What could they do that I couldn't? There's no heavy lifting (which I can do anyway) in computers. And I certainly didn't have to worry about peeing standing up (that's really the only thing that men can do that I can't. I'm sure I could work on this if necessary) to get a degree or start a career in computer programming.

I ended up in a different field, but still work in a very male-dominated situation. I don't know if that phases me, either. It merely meant I had to learn how to tell a dirty joke and not be offended when they made jokes that inferred women were stupid or lesser humans.(Disclaimer: I am not bashing males or saying they are all sexists jerks, before this starts. But there is a bit of joking that occurs when you're the only female in a male filled department.) I work hard, I do a good job, they treat me as their equal more often than not. And while it may have made me a bit more "rough around the edges" then some women? I wouldn't trade it for the world. Because it is the epitome of the song "anything you can do, I can do better..." Do I have to work harder for respect sometimes? Maybe. Do I have to prove myself at times? Sure. But who doesn't?

Some of my friends are astonished when they hear work stories and I always point out, it's a different kind of office dynamic. And don't think HR departments protect you from these thoughts (just from having to hear them). I may work with men who are willing to say what they think more often than yours, but mine are not cavemen. So I bet, even if you never hear any of the things I do on a daily basis? A portion of them still think about it, or joke about it when you're not around. They just know better than to say it, chances are - because it isn't all men in the room. If you work with all men long enough? They just start to think of you as one of them. ...I'm okay with this. You may not be. I totally respect this position. From either angle. My angle has really taught me that anything that a man can do, I can do better.

Here is a list of possible exceptions:
1.) Peeing standing up (I have not mastered this. Hell, I haven't even tried it. I'm okay with sitting.)
2.) Run around with a shirt and be acceptable (I could probably make more friends than you would doing it though, boys.)
3.) Understand offsides even though I played soccer for years.
4.) Father a child. But I could mother one. Which makes the "anything you can do I can do better" true. 

I think that about sums it up.

***Note: Not all men are barbaric. I'm sure yours is great. I'm sure if you are a male, you never think horrible or demeaning things about women, nor have you ever made a less than tasteful joke at another person's expense. Please take this blog as nothing more than my take on my work environment and not the entire world.***